How I Spent My Summer

CHAPTER 1

I have many "little" projects to complete since retiring. I'm still working on #1 which I originally thought might take me a few hours, maybe a day at the most--get my motorcycle running after sitting idle for 3 years so I can sell it.

Yep, going on week 3 and it's still not done. 3 weeks ago, I thought maybe I would just need to put some fuel additive in the tank and take it for a ride to clean out the cob webs. That didn't work. After nearly an hour of trying to start it, I got it to run, but it was back-firing, actually blowing flames out the tail pipe, and it seemed to only be running on 3 of the 4 cylinders. Pharck. I couldn't get it to shift into first gear or even into neutral. "Change the oil and filter..." one web site said. Check.

With brand new synthetic oil and new filter, I got it into first gear and took it for a ride through the neighborhood, banging and back-firing, still blowing flames out the tail pipe, past the park where everyone stopped what they were doing to turn around and stare at me as I rode past them with the 4th of July shooting out the exhaust pipe. I could not ride it without the choke in the half-way position, and I had to rev it to about 5,000 rpms just to make it through a stop sign. As I limped home and rolled into the garage, I noticed number one exhaust pipe was glowing red. RED.

Maybe new plugs and wires would do it.

The guy at the dealer told me it's rare that a bike like mine needed new plugs, let alone new wires even after 70,000 miles, mine only has 15,000. But since I spent a half day getting the old plugs out, I might as well put new ones in. He told me more than likely I needed a good carburetor cleaning. Dear lord, please, not that! When it was still new in 2003, I put a custom carburetor "jet kit" in it to allow the 1000 cc engine to run at top performance. It took me two days to get the damned carburetor out, and modify it with new fuel jets, new needle valves and to surgically drill out the bypass holes with a jeweler's drill bit and hand vise.

OK, I thought... I have nothing but time on my hands. So I spent a half day disconnecting the hoses, accelerator-decelerator and choke cables, and after more green adjectives than I have ever put together in the same sentence, I got got the stupid thing out. Bought the large can of carb cleaner, sprayed the crap out of all 4 barrels of the carb, trying to focus on each of the 5 or 6 little tiny holes per barrel. That ought to do it methinks. Another half day putting the thing back together, running the brand new battery dead and recharging it, I got it to start again. Still noisy, "oh well" I thought... at least I am getting even with the neighbors for keeping me up all night on the 4th of July and sending my poor dog into PTSD again with their sky mortars. Took it for another ride, turning heads as I approached anyone from 1/4 mile away--I could see the fear in their eyes as I rolled past them at 25 mph with the engine revved to 5,000 rpm. Double pharck.

After pouting about my lack of success for another two days, I decide to take out the carburetor again and just clean the crap out of it! I bought another LARGE can of carb cleaner and set out to work. This time I completely disassembled the thing. I neatly laid out all the 60 or so teeny-tiny parts including O-rings that nearly require a microscope to see on a large towel and spent another day poking hair-sized wires through every jet and orifice I could find, blowing carb cleaner through them one by one, holding them up to the sky to see if I could see light. I was so careful and thorough this time, I really felt like I was doing a surgical procedure, keeping everything clean and sterile. And there were several little holes that were clogged. It felt really good being so meticulous... couldn't wait until the next morning to put it all back together and fire it up again. I just knew it would run so smooth it would be like the day I bought it... only better.

I got started early, more cussing, more little hoses and clamps, and the damned throttle cables... what a nightmare. But it was finally all put back together and I wanted to fire it up. Turned the key on, put it in neutral, pressed the start button and let it turn over for about 5 seconds. Nothing.

Holy shit.
OMG.

NO NO NO...!!!

There was one little part I didn't put back on before I hit the start button. It was the automatic chain tensioner that keeps the cam chain tight to prevent the chain from skipping a tooth or two on the cam sprockets. STOP! I rushed to re-install the chain tensioner... maybe nothing bad happened and it will turn over and start. Nope. I tried for a couple of hours trying to start it, finally jumping the battery from my car to keep the new bike battery from going dead. Back to the Internet and Youtube for more information. I found this:

"Whatever you do, do NOT crank the engine over without the chain tensioner in place. Do NOT. I found out the hard way" said one guy on the forum. Similar comments on all the other Websites that discussed engine rebuilds for my bike. I finally found a couple of sites that talked about how to re-install the cam shafts (two of them) that controlled the opening and closing of the 5 valves per cylinder... twenty valves in all. They all have to line up perfectly... fortunately there are timing marks on the cam shafts and the drive chain sprocket to make sure everything lines up perfectly. Unfortunately, you have to take off the top of the engine valve cover to get to them.

Last night I removed the cover. Before I could do that, I had to drain the oil and radiator fluid, which means I'm going to spend another $100 or so just for new fluids. I'm about to spend the rest of today fighting the positioning of those cams, the sprockets and the chain that drives them, and making sure everything lines up perfectly with the number 1 cylinder at top-dead-center on the compression stroke.

I'm not asking anyone to pray for me. Maybe after spending more money, tracking down new gaskets so I can put the thing all back together--and afterward finding out it still won't start. Maybe then I will ask. I'm now going into my 4th week of retirement, still working on #1 project which wasn't supposed to take more than a few hours.

My wife tells me when I get it running well enough to sell it, then I can start on the little 50 cc Vespa which hasn't turned over since the last millennium did.

Why am I writing all this bad news down? Therapy. I'm hoping that getting my feelings out in written form will keep me from buying that rocket-propelled grenade launcher and lining it up on my Yamaha aluminum cylinder block.

Here's the 'too-long-didn't-read' version:

Don't work on your own bike--pay the bike mechanic the $10,000 dollar fee to overhaul it for you. It will be cheaper in the long run, plus, you may still have some skin on your knuckles and four more weeks to you life span. You may even remain on good terms with your neighbors who have called their children home to prevent them from hearing the strange string of never-before-linked-up adjectives coming from your garage.